We’re not here to judge. It’s hard enough to find a job these days, and a little recreational substance use ought not to preclude someone’s ability to put food on the table. We’re expect to pass enough tests in life without having to worry about losing a perfect job opportunity simply because we tripped, fell, and smoked a joint on the way down a couple of weeks ago.
These things happen; life is full of surprises and accidents. However, this isn’t an explanation that’s likely to be believed, especially while passing a hair drug screening test. There are methods to improve your chances, though, so read on to find out more.
Passing a Hair Drug Screening Test
So, you’ve just heard the news that you’re going to be screened for illicit substance use. Of course, this isn’t an issue for you because you’re quite content in life and require no crutches whatsoever to get through the day. You’re high on life and clean as a whistle.
Unfortunately, you suspect you may have come into close contact with someone who does, in fact, frequent the Devil’s Lettuce. Your Uncle was always a bad influence, and due to his unsavory lifestyle choices and unfortunate recent proximity is about to cost you your new job. What’s a guy/gal to do?
Well, you’re in luck. Since you’re aware of the method of testing, there are a few steps you can take to mitigate disaster. Forewarned is forearmed, as they say, but first, it’s a good idea to get a better idea of what exactly the test entails before you try to cheat it.
Can You Beat a Hair Follicle Test?
The short answer is yes. The longer answer is a little more involved, but it pays to know exactly what you’re up against in the attempt. A little guile and wit are necessary when facing the odds, and shaving your head, while effective, is also something of a giveaway.
First off, it’s important to understand how the test works and what it’s looking for. When you smoke weed, the effect is far further reaching than simply making you want to eat cereal straight from the box. The active chemical, THC (tetrahydrocannabinol), sticks around in your system far longer than you might expect.
The perspicacious among you might have guessed it by now. THC and its various metabolites permeate throughout the body and leave obvious testable traces that wouldn’t exist otherwise. The blood supply delivers them to every corner, including to the hair follicles, which then pass into the hair itself as it grows.
This essentially means your hair is a map of all the substances your Uncle smoke around you or spiked your drink with, etc. Not all substances show up, but cannabis, benzodiazepines, cocaine, ecstasy, ketamine, and most opiates are all prime candidates to get you thrown out of the running for your dream job in law enforcement.
If you’re worried about testing positive for hallucinogens, inhalants, anabolic steroids, or hydrocodone, don’t be. These are all substances that aren’t usually tested for, though it’s worth noting that they would show up if they were.
The Problem With Hair Follicle Drug Testing
As the Chinese general and master strategist Sun Tzu said. “Know thy enemy and know yourself; in a hundred battles, you will never be defeated.” Step one is knowing you have evidence of drug use in your hair. Step two is knowing how they’re going to go about proving it.
Knowing how they test your hair is the weakness that you have to use to beat the test, but it’s not pretty. As previously stated, the evidence is in your hair follicle, not on it. The enemy knows this, so they take great care not to scrutinize the outer layer of hair. But the core of it instead.
This is something of a game of cat and mouse. They know how their test works, and they know you probably know, too. And what you’re likely to do about it. Shampooing your hair several times isn’t going to do you much good, as shampoo doesn’t permeate deep enough to wash any evidence away.
Much like brushing your teeth before the dentist, you may mean well, but the damage has done.
So, the question becomes, “What can I put in my hair that will reach the core of each follicle, to sufficiently mess with the test, thereby making the results inconclusive?” Well, that’s a good question. You’ve got a few options.
Dealing With Metabolites in Hair
Success stories of passing hair follicle tests aren’t hard to find, and they all have something in common. The secret sauce is essentially frying your hair as much as possible without it seeming conspicuous. This means doing things people do to their hair anyway, even if they’re not expecting a hair-based drug test.
Bleaching and dying your hair is a popular option, as bleaching removes up to eighty per cent of metabolites. Bleach your hair twice, and so long as it doesn’t fall out in the process, you’ll probably be safe. Dying your hair afterwards doesn’t remove metabolites. But showing up to the test and joining a line of people with bleach-blonde hair is also something of a giveaway.
If you don’t like the idea of bleaching your hair for a drug test. You can read about the Macujo Method here. It’s a method specifically designed for removing traces of marijuana. And has a respectable ninety percent success rate, which is nothing to sniff at.
Cross Your Fingers
Once you’ve employed the method of metabolite removal of your choice. There’s not much else to do other than to cross your fingers. And hope for the best. Passing a hair drug screening test is an anxiety-inducing process. But with a little luck and your best poker face, anything’s possible.
Remember, taking someone else’s hair isn’t going to work. They cut your hair directly from your head, rather than accepting a sample. If only it was that easy!
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